Wherever there is moisture, I will be there…Whenever thunderstorms threaten to wreak havoc on picnics, yard sales, or outdoor church bazaars, you can count on me…
When dark clouds lurk behind silver linings, you will know whom to call…
Before you feel the first droplet of dihydrogen monoxide, I will have darted behind a lamppost or sapling or other such sufficiently massive object broad enough to hide my girth and will have mysteriously undergone the superheroic transformation from Yajeev the Blogger to Umbrella Man!
Shielded by a magical webless umbrella and cloaked with a spokeless umbrella sheath, I will project a forcefield of dryness around the eye of the storm.
Delusionally powerful, I will vaporize the liquid invaders by force of hot air that resides deep within me.
The only fluid in sight will be tears of joy shed by those whose days have been saved by Umbrella Man!
