Saturday, July 14, 2007

Warning: Not for the faint of heart

As this post will include some potty references, it is advised that small children and the squeamish not continue. May I recommend reviewing an earlier post more suited to general audiences, perhaps July 29's "Bridging the Divide." Or, you may wish to participate in the contest described in September 3's installment.

For those who wish to proceed, you've been warned.

In a prior life, I used to read magazines or do crossword puzzles while on the toilet. I have recently discovered a new pastime: cell phone Yahtzee Deluxe.

My wife and I have spent many blissful hours indulging in the thrill that is Yahtzee. Something about rolling those dice and taking the chances and getting the big payoffs just thrills me.

Until recently, this pleasure has been limited by the availability of a hard surface, five dice, and a supply of scorecards.

This has all changed! With the advent of cutting edge cell phone technology, I now have the power of Yahtzee in the palm of my hand! That's right: I shelled out $6.99 to download the classic family game of dice for use on my Sony Ericsson mobile phone.

So, now, instead of reading an article in Newsweek or the New Yorker for the 12th time, I have a brand new engaging and interactive experience each and every visit to the powder room. It's so exhilarating--I even find myself, cell phone in hand, visiting the lavatory at work without the urge to p**p.

The one drawback to restroom Yahtzee is the restraint I must exhibit while in public restrooms. I am so used to shouting "YAHTZEE!" every time I roll five of a kind; I find myself nearly exploding with unreleased passion when such a blessed event occurs. Occasionally, in rare moments of low self-control, I do find myself loudly whispering "yahtzee!" following that most excellent roll or exhaling a sigh of dismay when I fail to roll the crucial digit.

Another great benefit to playing on the throne is the instant digital feedback. After a high score, I might get a message that says, "Played like a real pro! Super score!" or "One of the best scores ever!" Those moments are particularly gratifying. After a less successful go at it, I might be told, "Need some more practice" or "Nice job, but you can do better."

Those messages are so fleeting--here and gone in a flash; I just wish I could print them out.

What follows is a list of my top scores on Yahtzee Deluxe:
1. 494
2. 483
3. 437
4. 430
5. 397

With scores like that, I feel like a throne room hero.

Originally Posted: Tuesday, September 26, 2006
(Then) Curent Mood: accomplished


Anonymous said...

Best ever. I only wish more kudos could be given.

Posted by Russ on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 4:32 PM

yajeev said...

As gratifying as writing this entry was, your kudos mean even more. I live for points. And when points aren't available, kudos and comments of praise are a near equivalent ego boost.

Posted by VJ on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 4:47 PM

Anonymous said...

I'm posting this comment and attempting to give two more kudos. Not just to gratify you, but because you--it--are that deserving.

Posted by Russ on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 6:45 PM

Anonymous said...

those are truly amazing scores.
in my home, if you don't scream YAHTZEE!! after a yahtzee, you don't get the points. you have to scream it the second you see it, as loud as you can.
i urge you not to compromise even when you're in a public restroom...after all, what would Jesus do?

Posted by Beth Minnery on Friday, September 29, 2006 at 7:44 AM

yajeev said...

What would Jesus do?

I think the answer is pretty clear: He would take the five dice and multiply them so that the crowds could have something to do while they eat their fish n' bread.

Posted by VJ on Friday, September 29, 2006 at 10:24 AM