Friday, May 2, 2008

Caveat Emptor: Land of Yajeev Blogxposé

I take no pleasure in what I am about to tell you, but the truth (even (/especially) scandalous truth) must be told. At the risk of being mistaken for Hard Copy or A Current Affair, I present to you one of the more troubling scandals the blogosphere/ onlineauctionosphere has seen in recent memory.

Several months ago, I brought to your attention a unique investment opportunity. eBay user lazyjoecox put up for auction the extra hour he gained in last fall's time change. Below is the pitch he used to lure unsuspecting bidders:

Ready for an amazing deal!!!! I am putting an hour of my life up for sale. As you know, this weekend time changes and an hour is gained. Instead of using my extra hour for fun and festivities, I am willing to sell it to you. Once I receive payment, I will mail you a certificate which certifies that YOU now own my hour. As you can tell from my picture, my time is very valuable. Don't worry if purchase is made after the time change, because I will not be using my hour. I am saving it for you!!!! Good luck bidding!!! Use wisely.

Despite my efforts to own lazyjoecox, if only for an hour, I lost the auction fair and square. Or so I thought.

The Land of Yajeev has learned (via a trusted, independent source*) that the auction was a hoax. Sad, but true: lazyjoecox's fiancée was the "highest bidder" and would have been no matter what the highest bid was--she would always outbid the leading offer. Moreover, no transaction ever actually took place! No money changed hands, no certificate was mailed (as had been advertised) or even created, and there is no evidence that this extra hour was transferred from lazyjoecox's possession.

Remarkably, lazyjoecox boasts an impeccable member feedback profile, with a 100% positive feedback rating! I wouldn't be surprised, though, if each of the supposedly independent eBay members with whom he has transacted was actually his fiancée with a different online pseudonym. "chucknbecky", "baldguy0722", and "empire_liquidators", might actually be noms de plume of the future Mrs. lazyjoecox.

To what end was this deception concocted? What heartless man would execute such vainglorious chicanery? Who would offer 60 minutes of himself to the neediest, highest bidding soul only to cling even more tightly to his supposedly superfluous moments?

Why would someone do this? There was no monetary gain (unless he, by his faux magnanimity, endeared himself to bidders of future auctions). I see no likelier explanation than this: he did this because he could. To display (if only to himself) the power that he holds over the mass of groundlings huddled together, clamoring at his feet just for his one extra hour. An hour which, like a mirage, at first shimmered, but then disappeared the closer one was to it.

I am troubled.

* lazyjoecox


Russ Parker said...

Will there be a video/bobblehead version of this spose?

Justin said...

Idea: You should auction off a spot on the landofyajeev for someone to post an entry of anything they so choose.

yajeev said...

a video bobblehead blog post is indeed in the (perhaps quite distant maybe never) offing.

a magnificent idea. i'll need to consult legal, but i can see no good reason not to do this!

i love the comments section-- so much inspiration!

Neetika said...

I am lazyjoecox's wife (formerly his fiancee) and I can tell you this scandal goes deeper than you know. . . that's all I can say. . . in fact I've already said too much.

If I do not turn up on facebook within 48 hours, please have Russ Parker notified that my last known location is the Hilton Waikoloa Village. . . Godspeed.

yajeev said...

i feel for you. let me know if there is anything i can do to help.