Sunday, September 7, 2008

What To Do With Dummies (for Dummies)

We celebrated the wife's birthday with a dinner-and-a-bookstore Saturday evening date. We had an otherwise delightful evening, but I must report that I was shocked and awed by a few of the titles on the self-help book shelves.

While there may well be some individuals for whom this world would be better off were they not to propagate, I am loathe to issue broad, sweeping decrees promoting the sterilization of any particular demographic.


The overwhelming technical difficulties of implementing such a policy notwithstanding, we must rise above the temptation to compromise the reproductive potential of even the least among us.

Some of the other volumes made nearly as offensive recommendations:














Where have we come as a people when we wish or plot such calamity for those of lesser intelligence?

Perhaps, instead of subjecting them to all sorts of diseases and afflictions, we should provide those with diminished brainpower more opportunities for support and uplifting experiences, such as the following:














If some strong parental figures, snuggly puppies, and good career advice don't keep the learning-impaired off the streets wreaking all sorts of dummy-inspired havoc, then there's always one last-ditch response that has, at the very least, kept yours truly from spreading dummy pandemonium far beyond the reaches of cyberspace:


7 comments:

Russ Parker said...

It's been like a year.

Lisa said...

but it was worth it

Mark said...

You should write "Yeast for dummies."

That didn't come across in the complimentary manner for which I meant it...

Lisa said...

the first chapter states that yes they are alive

Andy said...

I can't wait to be infertile.

I want to start a line of "Dummies for..." books. "Dummies for Parents" inspirational book for kids dealing with stupid parents. "Dummies for Puppies", a book about learning to be happy owning untrainable dogs. "Dummies for Anorexia", about the modeling industry. And an indepth look at the George W. Bush administration, "Dummies for Waterboarding".

Russ Parker said...

andy...la.

milakak said...

Andy, you surprise me! But that last one could be a lot of titles: Dummies for ______ (fill in the blank)