Saturday, April 25, 2009

Be cool, Planet Earth.

In honor of Earth Day, the Land of Yajeev brings you this planet-friendly message.

By now, I am sure that all of my readers have succumbed to the brainwashing, er, well-reasoned arguments, of the liberal media elite and self-proclaimed scientific establishment about the imminent threat posed by global warming and the culpability of mankind in said threat.

To remedy this planetary malady, we have been encouraged to reduce our carbon footprints by reducing, reusing, recycling, and paying bottle deposits. Which we, as a species, have been doing for many years to little avail. Glaciers are still melting, water levels still rising, and the mercury still upticking.

To the end of finally reducing temperatures, I offer the following proposal. This summer, I exhort all of mankind in possession of window air conditioners to install their units facing outside and crank them up to their maximum capacity, blasting cold air into the great outdoors. For those fortunate enough to be chilled by central air, I recommend positioning fans facing open windows while running your air conditioners at their highest settings. This measure will require great sacrifice: we must be willing to endure squelchingly hot apartments and houses and swallow the enormous utility bills that will accompany the inconvenience.

For this effort to be successful, we must work together. One outward-facing AC will have little impact, but hundreds around the world pumping frigid air into the so-called environment may just forestall the cataclysmic, apocalyptic, nightmarish warming of the globe we've been so conditioned to fear. This should work--I am a scientist.

No trees or polar bears were harmed in the writing of this message.


Andy said...

I have had the same thought with dehumidifiers, since they say it is not the heat, it is the humidity.

Some thing I have been wondering this week: With the glaciers melting and water levels rising, what does that do to how salty our oceans are? When everything has melted, will ocean water be readily drinkable?

lisa said...

Good questions Andy...I never thought about that before, and when I looked it up, it's worse than expected. When the fresh water glaciers melt it does go into the oceans, but it doesn't improve the concentration enough to make the ocean drinkable. It, however, does harm the fresh water rivers because the snow is not being replenished fast enough and a lot of it is going into the ocean. It is actually causing a decrease in drinkable water.

You probably really didn't want an answer, but I did. :)

Its a dry heat. :) Oh...congrats to the pens.

Russ Parker said...

I wish this thing had a like function.

Mark said...

Do we have to stop watching TV?

yajeev said...

No Mark, but you could also place your tv in your window facing out to give the folks outside something to do while they relax all chill basking in your AC's cool air.

It's Ben DeLong Time said...

I just wanted you to know that I'm doing my part. Just one more house ushering the fresh AC out the door. Shouldn't our project work through osmosis though?

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