Monday, May 11, 2009

The Other White Meat Flu

The dreaded H1N1 virus has finally reached my fine town of Hartford, Connecticut. As a public service, I encourage fellow Connecticutians to avoid all superfluous human contact. If you find it absolutely necessary to interact with others, please take precaution.

Here are a few helpful tips:

  • Hold your breath.
  • Avoid excessive fistbumping and high fiving.
  • Keep kosher.
  • No wallowing.
  • Do not share straws with strangers.
  • Refrain from trough feeding.
  • Keep your windows closed and air conditioners oriented toward the outdoors.
  • Maintain a safe distance from all who oink maniacally, as I suspect this may be an early and too often undiagnosed indicator of swine flu infection.
  • Keep it tuned to the Land of Yajeev, your voice of reason in uncertain times of public health crisis.

Click the thumbnail image for H1N1 virus at low magnification:

Click the thumbnail image for H1N1 virus at ultra-high magnification:


Russ Parker said...

Thanks, doc.

Andy said...

I like the second rule at all times bcause I think that stuff is obnoxious.

Mark said...

What can I do to help?