Thank you, Jacoby Ellsbury

I don't know how you arranged such an amazing deal, but thanks to your stolen base in the bottom of the fourth inning during Game 2 of the World Series, all Americans get a free Taco Bell taco on October 30.

You've only been playing in the big leagues since September, and your stolen base tonight, while not ultimately leading to a run, has earned every American a 77-cent value. If each citizen collects their delicious soft or crunchy taco, Taco Bell will have given away over $231 million in lettuce, beef, and cheese.

Brothers and sisters, let us not be ungracious recipients of this gift the Red Sox rookie, in conjunction with Taco Bell Corp., has bestowed upon us. Rather, let us unite with one appetite as we consume our 300,000,000 tacos next Tuesday afternoon.