Thursday, October 25, 2007

Thank you, Jacoby Ellsbury

I don't know how you arranged such an amazing deal, but thanks to your stolen base in the bottom of the fourth inning during Game 2 of the World Series, all Americans get a free Taco Bell taco on October 30.

You've only been playing in the big leagues since September, and your stolen base tonight, while not ultimately leading to a run, has earned every American a 77-cent value. If each citizen collects their delicious soft or crunchy taco, Taco Bell will have given away over $231 million in lettuce, beef, and cheese.

Brothers and sisters, let us not be ungracious recipients of this gift the Red Sox rookie, in conjunction with Taco Bell Corp., has bestowed upon us. Rather, let us unite with one appetite as we consume our 300,000,000 tacos next Tuesday afternoon.


Andy said...

I love Taco Bell, but I'm going to stay miles away from this giveaway. These giveaways bring out every kind of lowlife. The police should definitely watch Taco Bells closely on the 30th for people with warrants and possible violence between lowlifes as they impatiently wait for free tacos.

I feel sorry for Taco Bell, and not just because they have to do this giveaway. I would rather pay 10 cents because it shows so kind of commitment. People in Pittsburgh generally do not seem to cherish Mexican food like we should. I have seen a lot of Mexican restaurants close that I liked (not Chi-Chi's, they sucked even before the sickness incident). Even when Pittsburghers go to Taco Bell, they treat the establishment really crappily. I always seem to be in line behind only one person when I go to Taco Bell, and that person needs to feed 100 people in 15 minutes for a party they poorly planned. When it's my turn to order, I feel like the 100th person in a world-gangbang-record attempt, requiring service from someone tired and demoralized.

yajeev said...

you should be a taco bell bouncer, only allowing those in who are of appropriate age and dressed accordingly.