Saturday, January 19, 2008

I can't believe it's not buttered.


After reading my previous post, in which I mentioned my recent discovery of donuts and chocolate chip cookies being made to taste even better when slathered with butter, despite my explicit request not to inquire, Sara has in fact asked:

"[H]ow can one NOT ask how you know this?? I'm intrigued."
It's quite simple, actually.

Monday morning: I got a late start. Didn't have time to eat breakfast at home. Once I got to lab, I initiated some experiments. When I had a few minutes of down time during a sample incubation, I stopped at the snack bar in my building's lobby and purchased a bagel, and I picked up a butter packet. I brought the bagel and spread to my desk, buttered my bagel, and partook of all the buttery bagelly goodness.

I readied to return to my bench for lab work but was troubled by the excess butter remaining in the packet. Of course, I was raised not to waste food, so I rummaged through my lunch for something that else that could be buttered (after all, I was sure there were starving children in the Third World clamoring for half-empty butter packets such as the one I nearly discarded). I rejected mandarin oranges, carrot sticks, Diet Pepsi Jazz, and leftover shrimp as unbutterable (though that designation, after my subsequent discoveries, is certainly eligible for review). The only remaining item was a chocolate donut.

I removed the donut from my lunch bag and turned it in my hands, mulling over the butterability of this baked good. Better judgment nearly got the best of me as I was at first reluctant to add fat to fat and amass unnecessary calories. However, I recalled that calorie is just another word for energy. And, heck, I could use all the energy I could get (for an alternate interpretation to caloric impact, click here).

I threw caution to the wind and scraped out the remaining butter from the packet and spread it onto my chocolate donut.

The result: rich, creamy, buttery, chocolatey, artery-hardening ecstasy. The end result was far greater than the sum of the parts (i.e. if I had eaten donut and butter a la carte).

Tuesday morning: again running late, again purchased bagel with butter. This time, as I spread the butter on the bagel, I took care to spread more sparingly than the day before. I finished the bagel and repeated would could turn into a diet-devastating habit. This time, the most butterable items in my lunch were chocolate chip cookies. Delectable.

As Avery and Chad have both mentioned in the comments of my previous post, it seems that everything tastes good with butter. I may have to employ the rigors of the scientific method to the testing and verifying of this hypothesis.

5 comments:

Russ Parker said...

Franklinesque.

Avery Gray said...

I admire your integrity. No unsubstantiated claims from Yajeev, no sir!

Unfortunately, superfluous buttering is less than conducive to weight loss.

Life is full of cruel ironies.

Chad said...

Try the stuff called "I Can't Belive Its Not Butter", maybe its the same just fewer calories...

yajeev said...

russ...
benjamin or lucas?

avery...
i'm nothing if not forthright, especially on matters deemed blogworthy or cruelly ironic... which pretty much includes everything...

chad...
haven't you paid attention to anything i've been saying? you should know as well as anybody: calorie is just another word for energy. energy is to be prized.

Russ Parker said...

I hate to choose, lest one feel left out.