Showing posts with label chicken. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chicken. Show all posts

Monday, June 2, 2008

Teacher's (so late it was) Early Retirement


Last night, I did something that I never had to do in high school, college, or graduate school. I've only ever done it while wreaking havoc at childhood birthday parties, playing video games with my wife, or waiting in line for free chicken. I've done it in the past because I wanted to--never because there was work that actually had to be done.

I pulled an all-nighter.

Even though I don't teach until tomorrow, I stayed up to finish preparing my lectures for the week, grading and recording scores of exams and lab reports, and writing quizzes (I had been working on these since Friday morning). By the time I went to bed, the birds had begun chirping and the sky had already turned from pitch black to a terrifying shade of royal blue. It was 5:00 am, exactly 24 hours from the moment I would wake up to get ready for school on Tuesday morning-- a depressing realization. I considered staying awake for as long as I could, extending Sunday until I was no longer able to keep my eyes open-- and then going to sleep until Tuesday-- just forgetting about Monday altogether.

I did slept for a few hours, got up, initiated the caffeine drip that has lasted until about thirty minutes ago, walked the dog, did some laundry and dishes, and worked again until now (9:22 pm).

Actually teaching this class is a lot of fun. Preparing for the class is like running a marathon every weekend.

When I began writing this post, I am sure there was some sort of punchline I had in mind... but, between then and now, I have become bleary eyed and forgetful. Goodnight.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Sliding Scale of Celebrity Doppelgangerness (or is it a slippery slope?)


It just might be the fact that I've lost about 35 pounds: I have noticed a shift in the celebrity comparisons I have received in recent months. In the past, I have been likened to esteemed filmmaker Michael Francis Moore (particularly when I donned baseball cap and flannel shirt). Lately, however, on multiple occasions, I have been made aware of a resemblance to another charming leading man: the Superbad Seth Rogen.

I consider this a move in a positive direction and an incentive to keep losing weight (I can't wait to see who's next on this spectrum of Hollywood lookalikes).


In related news, the wife took me to my favorite wing establishment (obliquely referenced here) for all-you-can-eat wings to celebrate my recent graduation. It is with mixed emotion that I report to you that I consumed only 7 Thai R Garlic wings, 5 Parmesan Pepper wings, 6 Arizona Ranch wings, 5 Cajun wings, and 1 Barbecue wing for a paltry grand total of (drum-roll please...) 24 chicken wings. Pathetic. At the height of my career, I once consumed 72 chicken wings on all-you-can-eat night (which pales in comparison to the 100+ wing my buddy Jordan had eaten that same night). This time, 24 was all I can eat--a three-fold reduction in wing capacity. For additional perspective, the wife only consumed 6 Louisiana Licker chicken wings and 5 onion rings (it's hard for me not to snicker as I type that).



Finally, for those who are so inclined, may I recommend to you the free eatings and drinkings at your local fast food establishments.

Today, May 15, 2008, Dunkin Donuts is offering free Iced Coffee from 10:00 am until 10:00 pm. No strings attached. However, just try to walk out without buying a donut. Or two.

Also, today, McDonald's is promoting its new Southern-style chicken sandwich. It can be yours for free... as long as you purchase a medium or large beverage.

This collective free goodness has earned the fast food industry as a collective unit an Honorable Mention in the ongoing Land of Yajeev Best Free Stuff competition.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Mor chikin!



Their unending generosity has earned our local Chick-Fil-A the first ever Land of Yajeev Best Free Stuff Award.

As if I haven't already collected enough from the poultry peddlers without paying for it (click here and here for some awesome chickeny adventures that resulted in literally years of free chicken sandwiches), Ron, Rose, and the other kind folks at CFA Unit#01583 are providing a fine, fowl breakfast spread for the members of my lab this Friday. Gratis.

As we prepare to move, our hearts are most saddened by the fact that not a single Chick-Fil-A cow or smiling "my pleasure" robot can be spotted anywhere in our new home state.

Thank you, Chick-Fil-A.



I am pictured here with close, personal friend, Dan Cathy, Chick-Fil-A President and Chief Operating Officer, son of Chick-Fil-A Founder S. Truett Cathy at one of several Grand Openings of regional Chick-Fil-A free-standing units I've attended in the past four years (each resulting in fifty-two free value meals).



Would you or your company like to be considered for the Land of Yajeev Best Free Stuff Award? It's easy! Simply email your request and the proposed free stuff you'd like to send me to landofyajeev@hotmail.com or leave your ideas in the comments section.



Eat Mor Chikin cow image accessed from www.chick-fil-a.com.
Land of Yajeev Best Free Stuff Award image courtesy of Wife of Yajeev.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

The Mighty Bumpkins

My amibition has always been to be a part of something larger, greater than myself. Since I was a small child, I have dreamed of working as a part of a team to accomplish something that no one individual could on his or her own.

I experienced it in fourth grade when my team (Murphy Construction) won the Liberty Township little league championship in the late 1980s. I recall chanting "We will, we will rock you" from the dugout with a group of guys unified in mission. That was the height of my athletic career. My statistical highlight: I had two base hits on the season, one of which was a closed-eyed single which broke the no-hitter of Josh C. in the bottom of the final inning. His dad nearly strangled me. My other hit was a ground ball to left field. Speed demon that I was, I barely beat the throw to first base by diving toward the bag. Actually, my assistant coach tripped me on the way to first; he rightly believed I'd arrive faster at first by falling than running. Regardless, my identity was subsumed by the whole of championship winning Murphy Construction. The victory Dairy Queen banana splits could not have been any sweeter than the thrill of being on (if not contributing to) the winning team.

Again, in junior high, I found myself a member of a whole greater than the sum of its parts. After being cut in the first round of tryouts (I was the only one cut in the first round of tryouts), I was offered a position as scorekeeper for the seventh grade basketball team (because I had heart, if not skills). I traveled with the team, ate with the team, carried basketballs for the team, cheered for the team, and recorded statistics for the team. That year, the team went undefeated, dominating all other opponents in the Trumbull Athletic Conference (TAC-8). Few other events in my life have been as exhilerating as watching the team for which I kept the books win it all. I wore that conference championship t-shirt with as much pride as I would have had I shot the title-winning basket myself.

I have since longed to work together with a group of dedicated individuals to accomplish something great... to be a cast member in the community theater... to contribute to a scientific breakthrough... to win the intramural bowling championship...

I recall in college a dozen dorm mates were working together to complete what seemd an impossible task: passing a nerf basketball twice around the cramped dorm room, each individual being required to shoot it through the nerf basketball hoop consecutively without anyone missing. After hours of intense gameplay, tumult erupted from the dorm room like nothing I had ever heard. "We won! We won!" were the shouts of the young men who had each twice made the basket. The resident of the room was so elated that he shook a can of orange soda and opened it with his thumb partially occluding the hole such that the soda spurted around the room like champagne. "We won!" he passionately intoned as the orange pop rained down on his laundry and bedsheets. Oh, to have won with these men and tasted the sweet, sticky orange flavor of success.

My dream was finally realized again last Wednesday. The place: Chick Fil A in the South Hills of Pittsburgh. The occasion: Free chicken for a year for the first 100 people in line (I was number 31, and Lisa was 67, for those interested). The event: Hula hoop relay race.

The evening was packed with music, games, and free food. The emcee announced that there was time for one last game, and that teams of five should make their way to the front. My friends were not interested in competing (not even my wife, who had already won a t-shirt by singing with motions I'm a Little Teapot in front of the Chick Fil A crowd), so I resigned myself to watching from the sidelines yet another team accomplish excellence. To my delight, a group of four tough, burley, pierced n' tattooed guys shouted out that they needed another teammate. I knew immediately that this was my opportunity. I dropped my barbecue chips and sprinted to the guys. I told them I'd join their team if they'd have me. They'd have me: I was accepted.

"We're the Bumpkins!" one yelled. "Yeah, the Bumpkins!" another chimed in. "Bumpkins!" I added in solidarity.

The rules of the game were simple. The members of each team stood side by side, holding hands in a line. At the whistle, the first teammate would step through a hula hoop. The hoop would then be passed along the length of the team, with each member passing through the ring, and back again. The first team to have the hula hoop return to the first man would win. Teams would be disqualified if, at any point in the competition, the chain of hands was broken.

I was thrilled to participate and show my worth to these guys. Fortunately, I'm nimble, so this sort of event is right up my alley. I was the anchor for the Mighty Bumpkins, and I would not let my brothers down. Initially, the brawny bunch decided that holding hands was too effeminate and that we would be connected fist-to-fist rather than hand-in-hand. Unfortunately, the taskmaster emcee prohibited our adjustment, so we held hands.

From the first whistle, the bumpkins functioned as a single body, effortlessly wiggling through the hula hoop. The first man in line, still holding hands with the second, guided the hoop down the line around each subsequent teammate. My heart raced and pulse pounded as the plastic ring neared me. I couldn't, nay, wouldn't let my brothers down. By the time the hula hoop had reached me, I was in the zone-- the TigerWoods-MichaelJordan-JoeMontana zone. I passed in and out of that hula hoop like a hot knife through butter.

The hoop traversed the line of men and reached the front of our group, and, like the men of Memorial Hall in 1999 (but without the orange soda), the cheer burst forth as we Bumpkins, Mighty Mighty Bumpkins, chanted in unison: "We won! We won!" The tangled group of men jumped up and down, exchanging sweaty high fives in what can only be described as orgasmic elation. Oh the glory. We were on top of our game and on top of the world. Against all odds (we were by far the girthiest team in participation), we conquered the hula hoop challenge.

For winning, we each got our choice of prizes from the Chick Fil A stash: I picked a Chick Fil A travel mug and coupons for (more) free sandwiches. But nothing compared to the real prize: the pride that comes from losing oneself to the single, successful, victorious, organic whole... giving in to the power of the Chick Fil A sweet tea... and the everlasting kinship I will feel with the champion hula hoop shimmying Bumpkins.


Originally Posted: Tuesday, April 7, 2007
(Then) Curent Mood: subsumed
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64

Last night, I did it again.

I was number 64 at the grand opening of a Chick Fil A restaurant an hour from my house. Which means, of course, a year's supply of Chick Fil A! 52 coupons that can be used for Chick Fil A sandwich, chicken nugget, or chicken strip value meals over the course of the next year.

I sat outside on a lawn chair from midnight till 6:00 am, guarding my place in line. Wearing only my boxer shorts, long johns, a tee shirt, a fleece top, two winter coats, khaki pants, ski pants, two heavy-duty pairs of socks, tennis shoes, gloves (with hand warmers), a winter hat (toboggan?), and ear warmers, and draped with two blankets (one electric--but not plugged in), I toughed it out with 99 fellow CFA groupies of all ages, shapes, and sizes awaiting our treasure at the end of the rainbow. Those who arrived after the hundredth person were relegated to the side, in hopes of a drop-out in the first 100 (there was only one).

Mad props and shout outs to my CFA cohorts--Ben, Scott, Leanne, and Michelle... and shame to those who feared the elements or made going to work alert a priority... I won't drop those names here, but you know who you are.

Through the night we were treated to such luxuries as ice cream parties (in sub 20-degree weather), hourly role calls, tours of the kitchen (a highly valued warming opportunity and veritable fast-food preparation informational smorgasbord), free stuffed cows thrown from the roof (at the last one I attended, they threw CFA mugs from the roof... this made a lasting impression on the less dexterous among us).

As the hour of the opening neared, we were corralled like sheep (or chicken) to the slaughter and "asked" (required) to put on the promotional t-shirts describing the event. So, on went my sixth layer of torso-protection.

Finally, the moment came, the ribbon was cut, and the doors were opened. We marched in, receiving our neatly wrapped boxes of value meal coupons. The atmosphere was jubilant. Employees banged pots and pans in celebration. "Congratulations, congratulations!" Everyone kept showering us with kudos and adulation, as though we had just accomplished something. And, indeed we had. For we had achieved the American dream. We did nothing and got someone richer than ourselves to give us something for nothing. Makes me proud.

At $5 per value meal and 52 value meal coupons per guest, that's a $260 value. I waited in line for six hours. Which means I just made nearly forty-five bucks an hour. It'll be a long time till I'll see that kind of income again... probably not until March, when the next one opens at the mall.


Originally Posted: Tuesday, January 18, 2007
(Then) Curent Mood: exhausted, yet jubilant
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