Three tips for relationship preservation in the New Year

Here's some unsolicited advice for Land of Yajeev readers to usher in the new year.

1. If you find yourself sitting with a group at a breakfast (or lunch or dinner) table and your spouse is discussing the recent home improvement projects he or she has recently undertaken without your assistance and he or she comments on the extensive effort and time invested in said projects... do not reply by saying, "Actually, it didn't take you that long," even if you meant to minimize the inconvenience rendered by his or her work and not to minimize his or her effort.
   
2. If you find yourself sitting with a group at a dinner (or breakfast or lunch) table and your spouse is retelling a humorous story or a joke that you may have heard once before... do not show off your impressive memory by interrupting said story or joke and reciting the punch line of the story or joke in question.
3. If you find yourself at a card table and you are playing euchre with your spouse against his or her parents and you have a really crummy hand and your team has already lost two of the five available tricks in the given round of said euchre game ... do not inspire false hope in your spouse by saying you are sure to pick up the last three tricks without making it abundantly clear that you are using the literary device known in some circles as sarcasm.

Follow these words of wisdom and you will go far... at the very least, you will find yourself far, far from the living in the doghouse or sleeping on the sofa.

The (in)Complete Idiot's Guide to Interviewing

Every now and again, as a service, I like to provide my readership with useful advice. I’d like to take this opportunity to do just that. In this installment of Blogger Knows Best, I am sharing a list of Interview Dos and Don’ts. You would be wise to consider these tips when next seeking gainful employment.

1. Memorize ALL Nobel Prize winners who have worked at or attended the office/workplace/institution to which you are applying so that when your interviewer tells you that, say, Milton Freeman worked in the same office she now occupies, yours won’t be the deer-in-headlights blank facial expression. “Milton Freeman… Ring any bells?” “Uhhh…” “Won a little something called the Nobel…” “Oh, that Milton Freeman.”

2. Avoid sweating at all costs. This may involve turning down an outdoors walking tour in 100°F plus heat. It may involve not wearing an undershirt beneath your dress shirt.

As a corollary, if you do plan on sweating or will be unable to prevent sweating, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, wear one of those newfangled water-repellant dress shirts such that when a drop of sweat rolls down your face it won’t bounce off your shirt onto the desk you’re sitting in front of. Trust me, once you see the first few sweat bullets skid down your front side, they will only flow faster; before you know it, you’ll have veritable rivers of unabsorbed sweat balls cascading down your torso. “Are you okay? Can I get you a glass of water or a towel?”

3. Don’t drink more coffee or water than your bladder can contain for the expected duration of your interview. “Why are you dancing?”

4. If your interview involves eating at a restaurant and you are asked what type of food you like to eat, be honest. Don’t say you’d be happy to eat anywhere if you really wouldn’t. If there is a type of food you just can’t stomach, no matter how obscure (Lebanese, Ethiopian, Antarctic), speak up. Better you share your opinion earlier than later. “Great, Middle Eastern cuisine it is, then.” “Oh, um, great. I love me some shwarma.” “What?” “Nothing. Sounds great.”

Listen. Trust me as you would your fortune cookie. Once broken, I issue great wisdom. Follow my advice, and you will go far. The job of your dreams awaits you.



As with any fortune cookie worth its weight in flour, here’s your complimentary Chinese lesson.

烤肉串
“shish kebob”

"I will never forget the tips you gave me today."

These were the words of Daksha, a technician in our lab, spoken with grave seriousness, thanking me for advising her to do the following when transferring proteins from a polyacrylamide gel to a nitrocellulose membrane:

1. Always cut the bottom right corner of the gel before removing it from its glass plate. Accordingly, cut the bottom right corner of the membrane to which you will be transferring the contents of the gel. In this way, you will be able to maintain the proper orientation of the membrane with respect to the gel and its contents.
2. Always place the gel onto the membrane in the same manner and orientation each time you transfer. In this way, you will always know which way is up and left on your membrane.

I told Daksha, "If you follow my ways, you will have much success in protein detection."

It seems that she has taken my words to heart.

If I can impact one person, just one, by sharing words of wisdom in biochemical technique, this whole science gig will have been worth it.


Originally Posted: Tuesday, May 17, 2007
(Then) Curent Mood: encouraged
http://blog.myspace.com/yajeev

Warning: This could happen to you

My blog serves many purposes... one of which is to pass on nuggets of wisdom I have found over the course of my few years on this earth... most of which I have learned through the course of my own folly. What follows is no exception.

If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be this: Don't grocery shop while hungry. In my own depraved logic, I believed that this was in fact a good idea-- that my hunger would somehow more clearly guide me to those food items my body really needed. This turned out not to be the case.

I entered our local Giant Eagle on a post-vacation 'emergency grocery run,' with a very limited shopping list of the bare essentials: milk, carrots, apples, orange juice. I left with a somewhat larger collection of edibles: skim milk; baby-cut carrots; 3 red delicious apples; chocolate milk (low-fat); diet black cherry vanilla coke; ice cream sandwiches; chicken, broccoli, and cheese lean pockets; chocolate and peanut butter Chex mix (small bag); cheddar Chex mix (large bag); garden salsa Sun Chips; everything bagel chips; garlic bagel chips; lite Caesar salad mix; peach fruit bowls; low-fat Oreos; low-fat yogurt; and chocolate and vanilla cupcakes (3 of each). It all looked so good, and I was just so hungry.

I forgot the orange juice.

I am passing this on to my readers. I wish someone had passed this advice on to me: Don't shop on an empty stomach.



Originally Posted: Tuesday, November 30, 2006
(Then) Curent Mood: satiated
http://blog.myspace.com/yajeev