The dreaded H1N1 virus has finally reached my fine town of Hartford, Connecticut. As a public service, I encourage fellow Connecticutians to avoid all superfluous human contact. If you find it absolutely necessary to interact with others, please take precaution.
Here are a few helpful tips:
- Hold your breath.
- Avoid excessive fistbumping and high fiving.
- Keep kosher.
- No wallowing.
- Do not share straws with strangers.
- Refrain from trough feeding.
- Keep your windows closed and air conditioners oriented toward the outdoors.
- Maintain a safe distance from all who oink maniacally, as I suspect this may be an early and too often undiagnosed indicator of swine flu infection.
- Keep it tuned to the Land of Yajeev, your voice of reason in uncertain times of public health crisis.
Click the thumbnail image for H1N1 virus at low magnification:
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Click the thumbnail image for H1N1 virus at ultra-high magnification: