This little piggy had naan.

I have never been more proud to be an American.

Congratulations to Joey Chestnut, a true American Idol and model citizen, for his exemplary athletic performance this weekend. He outperformed long-time Japanese rival Takeru Kobayashi in an Independence Day classic. Chestnut is a living testament to how beating your body into submission, years of dedication and preparation, and family support (his mother helped him train) can enable a person to reach his or her dreams. He is a paragon of intestinal fortitude, a competitor nonpareil.

The skeptics said it couldn't be done, but yesterday, Joey Chestnut surpassed his own personal best, setting a new world (and likely galactic) record in the Super Bowl of competitive eating. The beast of feast consumed a mammoth 68 hot dogs (and buns) in 10 minutes to take the championship belt at Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island, New York.

A hero of mine, Chestnut inspires me to consume more than is believed possible, to perpetually strive to improve upon past dietary achievements. A few personal bests I aspire to beat: 70 Quaker Steak & Lube chicken wings in one sitting, 4 consecutive nights of India Oven chicken vindaloo (with cheese and garlic naan), eating main courses from every restaurant on the main drag in my hometown in the course of one New Year's Eve celebration (thanks, Dad!)...

I may be no Joey Chestnut, but I will never cease striving to be more like JC.

Concession

My fellow Americans...

It is with great pride in a well-fought but poorly executed campaign and tremendous sadness that I concede this Presidential election to Barack Obama. It has become abundantly clear that I will be unable to pick up the additional 270 electoral votes necessary to secure the election in my favor. Unfortunately, I have been unable to get through to Senator Obama via cell phone (he must have turned his ringer off) to concede voice-to-voice. I am sure that he is checking the blog every few minutes.

Perhaps it was my failure to go negative or the fact that I neglected to name a Vice Presidential candidate or enumerate a platform of scope greater than Department of Motor Vehicle reform. I will not put the American people through the national debacle that would be a recount (although I like my chances) nor will I follow-up on the innumerable (non-)instances of voter fraud which have resulted in tonight's result. I trust my fate to the judgment of the citizens of this great nation (and offer my services to President-Elect Obama as a potential Secretary of Yeast Biochemistry and Molecular Genetics).

Thank you to all who have tirelessly supported my candidacy and those who, with great principle, wrote Yajeev on their ballots today.




This concession speech is supported by Yajeev for President 2012. I am Yajeev and I support this message.

Election Update

Land of Yajeev readers voted en masse to give a free wedding to friends of the blog, Regan and Steve.

Thanks to all who rocked the vote--I've just learned that Regan and Steve have won the free (televised) marriage from the Youngstown NBC affiliate.

If there's one thing I've learned from my years of living on the streets of Liberty Township, Grove City, Indianapolis, and Cranberry Township, it is this: Free is Good. Whether it's a t-shirt at the race track, cappuccino for two at Sheetz, the grace of God, a foul ball at an Indians game, or even a wedding, gratis is great. There's just nothing better than getting stuff you didn't pay for or steal.

Now that the winner has been decided, check the WFMJ website weekly to vote for additional wedding details: bridal gown, tux, honeymoon, menu, wedding cake, flowers... at least one friend is determined to vote for the ugly stuff, so do your part to help Regan and Steve by voting each week.

If you believe in free love...

... then please visit this Youngstown, Ohio NBC affiliate television website and vote for my friends, Regan and Steve, to win a free wedding.

Click here to vote.

Voting ends this Friday, March 28 at 3:00 pm, so click now and exercise your American duty/right/privilege and ROCK THE VOTE! Regan and Steve had The Audacity of Hope for no-cost matrimony, and together we can make their dream come true--Yes We Can. Remember, It Takes a Village to make a marriage, and theirs is a love Worth the Fighting For.

Someday when I make it big, I'll throw a Win-a-Yajeev-Themed-Wedding Contest. Until then, it's t-shirts and pride.

Another happy customer

Please allow me to distract you from your Shamrock shakes for just a minute to point you in the direction of a fully satisfied Land of Yajeev Megastore customer.

Avery caught the Irish fever and purchased the Land of Yajeev limited edition St. Patrick's Day T-Shirt with the contest-winning design. Please take a moment to click here to see the Yajeev gear in action, read her compelling testimonial, and enjoy the bloggings while you're at it!

Remember Yajeev's Irish-themed merchandise is available for a limited time only, so hurry on over to the Megastore to get yours while supplies last.

Shamrock n' roll: St. Patrick's Day T-Shirt Contest Results

The entries are in, and the results have been tallied. It is now time to announce the winners of the 2008 Land of Yajeev St. Patrick's Day T-Shirt Design contest.

I will say quite honestly, that the judging process was excruciating. I was beginning to regret the "Yajeev will make the final decision" clause in the official contest rules. In total, Land of Yajeev readers submitted 13 unique designs, any of which I would proudly have emblazoned across my chest... or, at the very least, emblazoned on a t-shirt covering my chest.

The decision was so difficult, I have selected three prize winners, each of whom will have their design imprinted on a unique limited edition Land of Yajeev Megastore St. Patrick's Day product. Each will receive that item in time to celebrate the St. Patrick's Day holiday in style and, as promised, the fame and prestige befitting such accomplishment.

With no further ado, the winners...

The first place image was submitted by Lisa...


To fully appreciate this one, you may have to read it out loud. I didn't get it until I did. Go ahead, take a second, and say it aloud. You may be surprised to hear your co-worker in the neighboring cubicle reading aloud with you. This first place design will be featured on two Land of Yajeev t-shirts (the standard value t-shirt and woman's jr. ringer t-shirt).














The second and third place images were submitted by Trevor and Marliese, respectively...

...they're so good it hurts.

Trevor's design will be featured on a sharp one-of-a-kind mini poster print, pictured above left, and Marliese's on an official Land of Yajeev magnet, at right.





I'm including below a few submissions which have earned honorable mentions...


















Many, many, many thanks to those who entered the contest and made it the internet sensation that it was! This will certainly not be the last time I exploit, er, call upon my readership to create the images that will appear on other Land of Yajeev Megastore merchandise.

Be sure to check out the updated store with all of the new St. Patrick's Day products. This St. Patrick's Day, go green with the limited edition Land of Yajeev 2008 Irish collection.

....and, if you like what you buy at the megastore, be sure to snap a photo of your gear in use and send it to landofyajeev@hotmail.com.

One more day

Feeling Irish? Love the Land of Yajeev? T-shirt collection running low?

There's just one more day in the St. Patrick's Day Land of Yajeev T-Shirt design contest. The winner will receive a free t-shirt with his or her design!

Click here for contest details. The deadline is tomorrow night, Wednesday February 27, 2008 at 11:59:59 PM.

Submit your entries to landofyajeev@hotmail.com.

Yajeev's Kids

We recently received a call from (now formerly) Pregnant Coworker. She claims to have had her baby on Valentine's Day, February 14, 2008. While mother and baby are both well, something smells foul... and I haven't completely ruled out the possibility that Coworker was afraid of me correctly guessing the date of birth and winning baby (nick)naming rights. I'm not convinced the baby wasn't actually delivered on February 3, Super Bowl Sunday, the day that I predicted the little bundle of joy would enter the world.

Coworker's phone call announcing her special delivery was on February 15, the putative day after birth. When asked if she wanted visitors to the hospital, she replied that she was just too tired. It is conceivable that Coworker is tired after having endured labor... but is it not equally (if not more) likely that Coworker was actually calling from home, her new baby girl now 12 days old?

Let's be clear: I'm making no accusations here. But I am a scientist, skeptical by nature. I'm just raising questions.

But look, I can put pettiness behind me: Congratulations, Coworker, husband of coworker, and baby girl of coworker.


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In other news, one Land of Yajeev loyalist has just sent me pictures of his newborn niece with her brand new I Heart Yajeev teddy bear. The plush toy will undoubtedly support the normal and healthy development of this lovely little girl and provide countless wonderful childhood memories for her and her family.

Please, visit the Land of Yajeev Megastore today, and buy a little something for that little someone in your life.



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Finally, don't forget that the St. Patrick's Day T-Shirt Design Contest ends this Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 11:59:59 PM. I've already received some creative submissions, and I hope you will submit yours for consideration. Remember what is at stake here: a free t-shirt with your design, fame, and prestige.

Click here for contest details.

St. Patrick's Day T-Shirt Design Contest

It should come as no surprise that the grand opening of the Land of Yajeev Megastore has been accompanied by wild success. We've been open for business a little over a single week, and already ones of satisfied customers have ordered and received their official Land of Yajeev merchandise.

With this overwhelming success as a backdrop, I would like to introduce a new t-shirt design contest that's sure to keep the interweb's airwaves buzzing with anticipation.

St. Patrick's Day (March 17) is nearly upon us, and I would like to commemorate the holiday with a special limited edition St. Patty's-themed Land of Yajeev t-shirt. This is where you, my creative readership, come in. I would like you to submit your design for the official Land of Yajeev St. Patrick's Day T-Shirt!

The winner of this exciting competition will receive a free (FREE IS GOOD!) t-shirt with their own design printed on the front, not to mention the fame and prestige that naturally would naturally accrue to such a skilled fashion designer.

The smallish print:

1. Email your image as an attachment to landofyajeev@hotmail.com.
2. Contest deadline is Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 11:59:59 PM Eastern Standard Time.
3. Entries may be posted to the blog site as they are submitted.
4. Entries may not contain obscenities or other inappropriate material. Yajeev reserves the right to determine what constitutes inappropriate material. He'll know it when he sees it.
5. No otherwise trademarked or copyrighted material may be included in submitted images.
   
6. By virtue of your submission, you yield the rights of your image to Land of Yajeev.
7. While the opinions of others may be consulted, Yajeev will make the final decision.
8. In order to receive your prize, you must submit a valid United States mailing address to landofyajeev@hotmail.com after your design has been selected as the winning entry. If you are not comfortable with furnishing a snail mail address, the prize can be shipped to the United States charity of your choice.
9. When the winner is announced, the winner's identity will be as anonymous as he or she would like it to be. The winner will choose what name or nickname will be posted on the blogsite.
   
10. Yajeev reserves the rights to change these details at any time, though he probably won't. It just seems prudent to include such a disclaimer just in case.
11. You may submit any questions as comments to this entry or via email to landofyajeev@hotmail.com.
    

Get to it, folks! I can't wait to receive your entries!

Luck of the Irish be with ya, lads and ladies!

Baby Names

My esteemed co-worker (yes, the one with the imaginary friends) is due to deliver a (non-imaginary) baby girl in the coming weeks (or days!). There is a delivery date poll in progress in the lab. The person who comes the closest to guessing the actual birth date wins.

Originally, the winner was slated to receive naming rights for the child. Co-worker vigorously denies ever having signed off on this prize, but it was written quite clearly on the lab white board:

Winner gets naming rights.

After great protest on Co-worker's part, the award has been downgraded to nicknaming rights.

The due date is February 13, but my guess is this coming Sunday, February 3. I've got this gut feeling that Baby Pigskin is going to make her grand appearance on Super Bowl Sunday. (No joke: if her husband wins, he's going to name the baby: Mega-Godzilla.)

I'm open to other suggestions for great baby nicknames.

New Movie Contest

I was recently birthday gifted a subscription to Netflix.

Rental recommendations?

Best movie recommendation wins this contest.

Ready. Set. Go.


Originally Posted: Tuesday, December 4, 2006
(Then) Curent Mood: excited
http://blog.myspace.com/yajeev

Contest Results

My readers have no doubt been anxiously awaiting the results of my September 3 contest. Entrants were asked to compose a mnemonic device to assist children in the memorization of the recently updated roster of planets in our solar system.

I am excited to announce the winner and a runner up. As promised, the winner's entry is featured in a blog post (this one), but there are other prizes not previously disclosed! The winner of the 2006 Planetary Mnemonic Device Constest will ralso eceive a 2006 Honda Civic, an Olympus digital camera, and Season 2 of Lost on DVD.

First, the runner-up. Russ Parker submitted: "My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us...No!!!!" This mnemonic is easy to learn, rooted firmly in historical learning aids.

Our winner, however, maximized his creative potential when he suggested: "Many Vegetarians Eating Might Just Slurp Up Noodles." Truly original and inspiring. Congratulations to yajeev. Enjoy your new car, camera, and DVD's.

Many thanks to all who entered. The response was truly overwhelming. You can look forward to more great contests in the future.


Originally Posted: Tuesday, October 19, 2006
(Then) Curent Mood: exultant
http://blog.myspace.com/yajeev

New Contest!

As my well-informed readers are sure to know, "Pluto is dead." So says California Institute of Technology planetary scientist Mike Brown. Not since Nietszche's declaration has so great a being been declared deceased.

Now that Pluto has been officially demoted to "dwarf planet" status by less than 5% the world's astronomers, we are facing a potential education crisis.

So many of us have learned the order of the planets with the magical mnemonic device "My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nine Planets." Now that Pluto has bitten the dust, we need a new mnemonic AND fast. There is a new generation of students who may never learn the planets of our solar system.

Which brings me to my contest. I am looking for a new mnemonic device to aid children's rote memorization of the 8 remaining planetary orbs: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune.

I am accepting submissions beginning now! Submit your entries by responding to this post. You may enter this contest as many times as you would like. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. And, please, keep 'em clean.

The best mnemonic device will be featured in a future blog entry, so get to work!


Originally Posted: Tuesday, September 3, 2006
(Then) Curent Mood: thoughtful
http://blog.myspace.com/yajeev