Tuesday, March 4, 2008

You'll know how to find me...

My regular readers have no doubt added the Land of Yajeev to their list of internet bookmarks to save themselves the hassle of having type the entire web address each time they visit. If you haven't done this yet, I recommend you do this now. Because you never know when the urgent need to access the exclusive contents of this blog will arise, it's best to keep me on standby, just a point and click away.

However, should you find yourself at a strange and unfamiliar computer terminal and do not have the web address memorized (shame, shame), below are a few keywords and phrases others have googled to find the Land of Yajeev. These data come straight from Google Analytics, the free web traffic-monitoring tool provided by your favorite online megapower and mine.

If you need to find me in a pinch, here are the search terms utilized by your fellow web surfers. Following most queries, I have included hyperlinks to the blog post or posts to which I suspect Google may have ultimately directed them. For the poor soul who entered "my email is empty like my soul, sad ha ha", your guess of the ultimate Land of Yajeev entry destination is as good as mine. The important thing is that this sad person found me. I hope he/she and the other googlers have found solace and personal fulfillment in these pages.

And now, the abridged (!) list:

  • the bumpkins (click here)
  • are black panthers unicellular (click here or here)
  • thanks for the nuts (click here)
  • biology nerd gift ideas (click here or here)
  • prevent sweating during an interview (click here)
  • dementia imaginary friends (click here or here)
  • fall possible head injury eventually show up as bruised ankles (click here or here or here or here or here or here or here) (other similar search terms included: "multiple unprovoked fall" and "my failed attempt at skateboarding that kept me falling")
  • glen davis on michelangelo (click here)
  • the steps of falling in love (click here or here)
  • timeline on gary grubbs life (click here)
  • impress the girlfriend parents and sung to grandma (click here)
  • perfect western blot (click here or here)
  • martha messiah (click here)
  • moo shoo cereal for breakfast with duck sauce (click here)
  • my email is empty like my soul, sad ha ha
  • what is the most humiliating thing that could happen to a youth? (click here)
  • afro puff silhouette (click here)
  • butter burst into flames (click here)
  • 600 calories model's diet weight loss (click here or here)
  • will i ever walk straight and not waddle (click here)
  • bubelah tee shirt (click here or here)
  • chinese is not blog (click here)
  • i don't eat vegetables (click here)
  • funeral director jokes (click here)
  • alter ego and shoulder angel demonstration (click here or here)
  • creepy dog picture real? (click here)
  • how to land a 30 foot jump (click here)
  • intelligentsia, yorker, atlantic, harper's, republic, nation (click here)
  • sleeping wife blog (click here)

It's comforting to know that the Land of Yajeev meets the needs of all sorts of googlers... those who want to know if they will ever be free from waddling and able to walk straight (the answer is an emphatic "no"), those who seek to join the elite ranks of the Atlantic Monthly-subscribing intelligentsia (reading this blog is a good first step), those who need love advice (I'm your man for illustrative writing about falling and falling in love), those who want to maintain their model's figure (two words: diet pills), those who need help preparing for job interviews (if you're a perspirer, bring a towel), and those who need to know what to do in the case of an emergency butter fire (do not attempt to extinguish with a rubber oven mitt)... and all others looking for wit and wisdom, anecdotes and insights into the dark worlds of funeral humor, imaginary friends, alter egos, and babysitter messiahs.

Batman had only one alert: the bat signal projected into the clouds above Gotham City. This blog is much more versatile--responsive to a wide range of googlings. The Land of Yajeev is the new Rome: All (online) roads lead here.


Russ Parker said...

la. I still heart Yajeev.

lisa said...

I will always heart Yajeev. You are wonderful.

Avery Gray said...

Ah, but does "my husband is more feminine than I am" bring them to you? No? 'Cause it brought them right to me.

Of course, they could then easily take the link from my blog to yours through my blogroll. So, I guess, in essence, all online roads do lead to you!

Unbalanced Reaction said...

Yes!! Googlings are the only reason I track my webstats.


You have some really great ones! My favorites from this month "not single but want to play", "a cheater's reactions", and "unbalanced love advice."

yajeev said...

russ and lisa...
i will always still heart you two, too. but in different ways. just so we're clear.

the day that google query leads someone to my blog is the day i call it quits. that's how i'll know i've jumped the shark.

so. much. time. is. wasted. ogling. my. googlings.

Russ Parker said...

Heart in any language.